A short story I wrote for my Narrative Storytelling class:
"Last night was really lame. I mean, the girl just wouldn't shut up about her hair appointments, her nails, the clothes she got...I mean, not once did she ask about what I do or anything. She just kept going on and on and on - Ow! What the hell!"
The man who was talking looked down, and saw a stapler on its side, lying on his desk. He rubbed the back of his head, and looked over at the direction of where it came from.
"It's too early to hear your complaints this early in the morning!"
"You didn't have to throw a stapler at me, Sakura!"
"Well that is just too bad! I already did, Mark!" Sakura retorted. "Try whispering instead of complaining out loud! Not everyone wants to hear how last night's date went!"
"I will, Miss Attitude!"
Sakura kept silent afterwards, already annoyed and wanted to be left alone. She wished it was the end of her shift so she could just go straight to therapy. But, it was still the morning, and her therapy sessions became a normal every day thing now.
Sakura had no idea the consequences of her actions. She let her anger get the best of her. She always had a bad temper, until now when she was trying hard to control it. Ever since that day, Sakura wasn't herself anymore. Every day was the same for her. She would wake up, go to work, then go to therapy, the bar, and finally home. This would repeat every day, except for work because she has off on the weekends. There is also one thing she does on a specific day every month. Sakura would carry two long stem roses with her on the 14th of every month. She would lay one rose in a cemetery, and the other would lie outside the bar she and her best friend used to go to. They would go to the bar together, on the 14th of every month.
She never went back to the bar after that night. Mixing alcohol with bad temper is not a good mix to begin with. Therapy wasn't really doing much help for Sakura, but it was the only place where she could get professional help.
Today was like any other day for Sakura. Right after work, she headed straight to her therapy session. Things weren't going to change, and sessions felt the same for the past year. She clenched and unclenched her hands as she made her way to the office, up the stairs and around the corner. She stopped in front of the door, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath before entering. Her therapist didn't look up from her desk as Sakura entered the room. She just simply greeted her as she was writing something before she closed the folder on it.
"Let's begin now, shall we?" her therapist said, giving her a small smile.
Sakura said nothing, and took her usual seat on the couch. Her legs and arms were crossed as her eyes wandered about the office. It always smelled like fresh roses whenever she entered the room. The room could use more color to brighten up the place. Everything was very pale looking, seeing nothing but mute colors everywhere. Despite the pale looking room, everything seemed smooth. Sakura could also smell coffee that still lingered in the air. Despite the thermometer saying that it was currently 75 degrees, Sakura couldn't help but feel cold in the room. There was no other sound coming from the room, save for the ticking clock. The only other sound that she listened to was the passing by cars outside the building. She always felt out of place whenever she steps foot into this room, feeling like the walls were closing in on her every time she sat down and also nervous whenever she started these sessions.
"How are you doing today, Sakura?"
Sakura squirmed in her seat a bit, her arms and legs still crossed. It started with the same question every session. Her answer varied each time, depending how work went and how she felt waking up. Today was one of those days that didn't turn out well for her at work.
"I...I threw a stapler at one of my co-workers," she let out, shifting in her seat.
"And why did you do that, Sakura?" her therapist asked, seeming to stare into her soul.
"He said something I didn't like," was Sakura's reply, her arms and legs crossed. "He kept complaining about his date, and I got annoyed."
Her therapist wrote something down on her clipboard before laying it down on her lap.
"Now, Sakura...we have talked about this plenty of times before," she started. "You need to learn to stay out of conversations that do not concern you. Not matter how annoying you find the sound of their voices, or complaints, you must stay out of it."
Sakura didn't say anything as her therapist wrote something else down on her clipboard, letting out a small sigh as well. She looked around the room as she rubbed her hands against her lap before crossing her arms once more. Sakura took a deep breath, and let it out slowly through her nose.
"Moving on...Have you spoken to any of your old friends?"
Sakura wiggled in her seat and crossed her arms. The therapist let out a small sigh, and then wrote something down on her clipboard.
"Sakura...It has been a year now. And you still haven't spoken to any of your old friends?"
"If they really were my friends, then I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't have gone here in the past year if they were my friends," she spat. "Not one of them has even dropped by my home, or even called. Not one...not since...since her funeral."
Her therapist didn't say anything, but just wrote something down onto her clipboard again. The session went on like any other session. She would ask questions, Sakura would either answer or say nothing, and her therapist would write something down. It was the same cycle every time for the past year. Sakura would squirm a lot in her seat, during each session. To her, they seemed to go on for hours, even though they are only an hour long.
"I'm sure your friends do care about you, Sakura. But, you coming here all the time and cutting yourself off from them isn't helping you at all," her therapist explained. "They gave you your space. They gave you time. But by not talking to them since...you are pushing them away. Let someone else in, Sakura. Don't let me be the only one that you open up to."
When finished, Sakura would head over to the bar a block away from her apartment. She would order the same food, and have a Corona to go with it. This was her life ever since the funeral. She went to therapy to not only help her with the incident, but to also help her with her bad temper. Since the incident, she shut her friends out. She didn't even try to see or speak to any of them. She shut all of them out, even her family. Her therapist told her that she shouldn't shut them out. They are her friends, and they are worried about Sakura. But, if she did speak to her friends, what would she say to them? What could she say? Her family always called, especially her father, but she wouldn't return their calls. They would always leave voicemails, and email her pictures of family events that she missed out. She missed them all, but she wasn't sure what to say to them after so much time has passed.
Once she was done at the bar, she would make her way back to the apartment. She stumbled now and then while going upstairs, but she managed to make it to the door. Once inside, she would head to the fridge, take out another Corona, and collapse onto the couch. Every time she took a sip of her beer, her eyes would wander around the room until they focused on the phone that was on her coffee table. She would see if the screen would flash, as if waiting for some type of message to appear. Still she wondered what she would say if anyone did send her a message.
A sudden knock on the door brought Sakura back to the present and out of the past. Confused, she wondered who would be showing up late at night, and now of all times. Getting up, she headed over to the door and took a peak on who was standing on the other side. Once she saw who it was, she surprisingly opened the door.
"Summer...I'm...I'm surprised to see you," she stuttered. "What brings you here?"
"Hi, Sakura. And yes, it is a surprise. Surprised that you opened the door," Summer replied, stepping into the apartment, looking around. "I have been told that you are still a shut in, keeping everyone out, and doing the same thing every single day."
Sakura didn't say anything as she closed the door. She went to the kitchen as Summer just looked around the living room. The apartment still looked the same as when her best friend lived with her. Still, she was surprised to see her best friend's sister here, especially after all this time. Sakura hasn't seen Summer since the funeral, and that was also the same day she gave Sakura the business card of her therapist.
"Can I get you -?"
"Sakura, you aren't the only one that lost someone that night," Summer interrupted. "I lost my sister that night too. My mother lost her daughter, and a lot of people lost a friend. You aren't the only one that isn't suffering in this. That gives you no right to shut everyone else out!"
Sakura didn't say anything. She was surprised though at the sudden outburst that Summer made. She only nodded her head, and looked down at the countertop.
"I know, Summer. I know..."
"You know, Sakura...you know!" Summer's voice filled with more anger. "If you know, then why do you not communicate with everyone? Your own mother is worried about you, and it wouldn't hurt to call her now and then to let her know that you are okay instead of making her think that you committed suicide!"
"I'm sorry, Summer. I'm sorry I-"
"You're sorry?! Sorry! If you really are sorry, then stop shutting everyone out! Just stop-"
"It's my fault your sister is dead!" Sakura blurted out, trying to keep her anger under control as well. "I killed your sister that night! I'm the reason she is six feet under!"
Nothing was said after Sakura's small outburst. Sakura leaned against the counter, holding her head in her hands. Summer slowly approached Sakura, her anger now replaced with sympathy.
"You didn't kill her, Sakura," she said softly. "I'm not blaming you for my sister's death. My mother doesn't blame you either. She died trying to protect you that night. The guy had a knife in his hand, and he tried to stab you. She went to push you out of the way."
"How do you know that, Summer? I can't even fully remember that night."
"Because she called me after you got yourself off of her," Summer explained. "She called me for help...she yelled out your name, heard her gasp, and then you screaming. She panicked, and also said that the guy you picked a fight with had just pulled out a knife. That was when she called out your name...and I heard her get stabbed."
Sakura didn't want to hear anymore. She suddenly jumped, and rush towards her room, slamming the door behind her. Summer let out a sigh, and walked towards her room. She didn't walk in, but just stood on the other side.
"Sakura...you are not alone in this. You don't have to suffer. My sister wouldn't like to see you like this. You don't just have to get help from a professional. I want to help you, Sakura. I really do. You just need to let me in."
Summer may not blame Sakura for her sister's death, but Sakura still felt responsible for it. It was out of her anger, and intoxication, that she got her best friend killed. She may not have stuck the knife in her friend personally, but she still felt like she had killed her best friend. Her therapist was always telling her that talking to people you are close with is also another way to help oneself. Seeking professional help is good, but shutting out those close to you isn't. Perhaps this is what her therapist meant. Perhaps she meant that if she had made an effort to talk to those who were also close to her best friend, then she wouldn't be feeling like this. Things would have probably been easier if she had also spoken to someone else aside from a therapist. And Summer was right. Her best friend would be yelling at her right now for shutting everyone out. Perhaps it was time to let someone else in instead of shutting them out.
Getting up from the floor, Sakura opened up her bedroom door and looked at Summer.
"Summer...thanks for...thanks for dropping by," Sakura said. "Maybe... could you drop by again tomorrow? I can't talk right now, but perhaps we can tomorrow night?"
Summer simply smiled at Sakura, and nodded her head. She was caught off though when Sakura suddenly hugged her. But, she said nothing and just smiled as she hugged back.
"I'll see you tomorrow night, Sakura. I'll come by at the same time."
"Thanks, Summer. I'll see you tomorrow night."
Summer simply nodded her head again, and left. Sakura leaned against the front door, and looked at the ground for a bit. She took a deep breath, let it out slowly, grabbed her coat, and headed out the door. She wasn't sure if this was a good idea, but it was one step she knew she had to take. If Sakura wanted to start moving forward again, then she had to face all of her demons. For her first step, she had to visit the place where it all started: the bar where she and her best friend were last at, and where her friend was killed. Her heart was beating at a fast pace, like cars on a racetrack. She stood in front of the door, and turned around. Before her eyes was the scene of where she and her best friend were, and where her best friend was killed. Sakura was intoxicated that night, but she closed her eyes, and she let the memories flow through her, not blocking them out this time.
There was a lot of yelling that night. Sakura remembered the yelling for she was the one yelling, also her best friend and the person she decided to pick a fight with. She remembered next what had happened afterwards: the screaming. She doesn't remember who it was that screamed, but there was a scream. And then...there was blood. She held her best friend in her arms, trying to stop the bleeding that was coming out from her chest. It wouldn't stop. There was so much blood, and it wouldn't stop. And then...silence. Just silence and nothing else she could recall that night. Everything went black afterwards.
Sakura slowly opened her eyes, and a small tear streamed down her face. This was her first time being back at the bar since that night. She didn't return because she didn't want to relive that night. But, she knew she had to if she wanted to move forward. This was her first step with letting go of the past, and making a move toward the future. It wasn't easy for her to come back, but it was progress.
Sakura turned to leave and bumped into someone coming out from the bar. The person she bumped into was the co-worker she threw a stapler at earlier this morning. He turned the other way, but Sakura called out to him. He reluctantly turned around, an annoyed look on his face, saying that he wanted to leave and not talk to her.
"Look, um...About this morning...I'm sorry," she let out slowly. "I should have just ignored your complaints. I had...no right to throw a stapler at your head. Is it okay?"
Surprised by her apology, he scratched the side of his head, looking from the side to the ground then back to her, and he would repeat that. He nodded his head before saying, "Yeah. It's fine. Small bump, but I'll live. No concussion."
"Good. That's good. Again, I'm really sorry."
"Yeah, you should be," he retorted. "But uh...sorry for being so loud in the morning. I sometimes get that too. You know, getting annoyed at others for being so loud in the morning, like how I was today. My dog sometimes barks before the sun is even up, and it drives me crazy when he wakes me up that early."
"Yeah, I know that feeling. Sometimes my next door neighbor's dog does that too. Anyway, again...I'm sorry for throwing a stapler at you this morning."
"It is okay, Sakura. Don't worry about it. Um...I'll see you at the office tomorrow."
"Hey um...I was wondering...Would you like to get a drink sometime?" she asked as she twirled her fingers.
Surprised again, he scratched the side of his head, and said, "Um. Yeah, sure...that'll be great. Just let me know when."
"Yeah, I will. Okay...um...I'll see you tomorrow."
"See you tomorrow."
With that, Sakura walked the other way, and her co-worker did the same. She didn't head home just yet. She made one more stop before she decided to head home. She put her hands in her pockets as she walked through the cemetery, and then stopped in front of a grave.
"Hey, Ruby. I know, this is unexpected of me to drop by today after just visiting you on the fourteenth," she said, shrugging her shoulders. "Listen...I'm sorry for shutting everyone out. I thought it would be easier if I just dealt with everything by talking to a professional and just keeping to myself. Your sister, Summer, dropped by today and gave me a wake up call. She definitely has your spirit, Ruby. You definitely live on in her...and you will in me as well."
Sakura smiled softly, as if Ruby was sitting in front of her, smiling back.
"I miss you, Ruby," she said softly.
With that, Sakura walked away and headed back home.